Sunday, January 5, 2014

It's a new years revolution!!!!

Okay, so now that 2014 is here I am back. I had some family stuff with my mom being ill and in hospital then my father following suit but then passing away from colon cancer.

I always planned to come back to this place of writing and posting at least once a month so here is January's edition of my blog. I guess this is my introduction of what is to come. I would love to say new and improved but that wouldn't be entirely true and to be honest I don't know if that is possible. I mean, we all are growing, learning and, changing. I guess some measure of improvements would be relative. I hope to improve as a person and be a better me but mostly I wish to be able to flow a bit easier this year. 2013 was not exactly kind and saying goodbye to those that didn't ring in the new year with me has brought a great deal of grief and moving through loss (in some cases still doing so). It makes me wonder if my words will transform and melt into a giant mass damming the labyrinth in my skull. Maybe I'll be at a loss for words when I write of my grief, struggles, and triumphs. That is not the writer I am!!!! Is it? I shall see.

This year I plan to stand proverbially nude and let my scars show (physical and mental). My goal is not to be afraid of my humanness. I want to open up and let those soft tender parts of me that I fear will be manipulated and cursed, or scrutinized and magnified for the sake of shaming me and slashing at my integrity be revealed. My goal is to be that woman who is loud, bawdy, and fearless to speak my truth. My aim is to be genuinely pleased to flaunt every flaw that I wear on my person and in my soul. This is the year where I not only find myself but bring ME out of hiding even when I'm dark, and ugly, or cold, and angry. I will have a conversation with the self that needs comforting and guidance. Because for every negative word I fling at myself in whispers and thoughts to break my own heart before I give anyone else that satisfaction. I will come up with a counter move in love that will stop that cycle of self sabotage and hate. I had become my own worst enemy and imprisoned myself and that is not acceptable. I'm not promising a rose colored glasses experience here. I promise not to tell you to sparkle and shine for I'm not a Stepford wife and I don't expect to constantly float in the river of denial and say all is candy and flowers. If that's what you're looking for you've stumbled on the wrong blogging stone. Leave now or you may end up thinking for yourself. :-)

I'm not making this a resolution because I generally hate it when people talk of the perfection they are going to achieve with their “new year resolutions”. They usually come with good intentions but flounder and that is not my goal I call this an internal uprising and a “new me revolution” a war on the negative monster that keeps me from the divine purpose. I hope to inspire you but also myself because that makes our world better.

So in conclusion I ask you to be gentle with yourself as you greet yourself anew on every sunrise and lull yourself gently with every sunset.

Be bold, and more importantly, be you.