Okay, so now that 2014 is here I am
back. I had some family stuff with my mom being ill and in hospital
then my father following suit but then passing away from colon
cancer.
I always planned to come back to this
place of writing and posting at least once a month so here is
January's edition of my blog. I guess this is my introduction of
what is to come. I would love to say new and improved but that
wouldn't be entirely true and to be honest I don't know if that is
possible. I mean, we all are growing, learning and, changing. I
guess some measure of improvements would be relative. I hope to
improve as a person and be a better me but mostly I wish to be able
to flow a bit easier this year. 2013 was not exactly kind and saying
goodbye to those that didn't ring in the new year with me has brought a great
deal of grief and moving through loss (in some cases still doing so).
It makes me wonder if my words will transform and melt into a giant
mass damming the labyrinth in my skull. Maybe I'll be at a loss for
words when I write of my grief, struggles, and triumphs. That is not
the writer I am!!!! Is it? I shall see.
This year I plan to stand
proverbially nude and let my scars show (physical and mental). My
goal is not to be afraid of my humanness. I want to open up and let
those soft tender parts of me that I fear will be manipulated and
cursed, or scrutinized and magnified for the sake of shaming me and
slashing at my integrity be revealed. My goal is to be that woman
who is loud, bawdy, and fearless to speak my truth. My aim is to be
genuinely pleased to flaunt every flaw that I wear on my person and
in my soul. This is the year where I not only find myself but bring
ME out of hiding even when I'm dark, and ugly, or cold, and angry. I
will have a conversation with the self that needs comforting and
guidance. Because for every negative word I fling at myself in
whispers and thoughts to break my own heart before I give anyone else
that satisfaction. I will come up with a counter move in love that
will stop that cycle of self sabotage and hate. I had become my own
worst enemy and imprisoned myself and that is not acceptable. I'm not
promising a rose colored glasses experience here. I promise not to
tell you to sparkle and shine for I'm not a Stepford wife and I don't
expect to constantly float in the river of denial and say all is
candy and flowers. If that's what you're looking for you've stumbled
on the wrong blogging stone. Leave now or you may end up thinking for
yourself. :-)
I'm not making this a resolution
because I generally hate it when people talk of the perfection they
are going to achieve with their “new year resolutions”. They
usually come with good intentions but flounder and that is not my
goal I call this an internal uprising and a “new me revolution” a
war on the negative monster that keeps me from the divine purpose. I
hope to inspire you but also myself because that makes our world
better.
So in conclusion I ask you to be gentle
with yourself as you greet yourself anew on every sunrise and
lull yourself gently with every sunset.
Be bold, and more importantly, be you.
